Facing my Fears

This is my last of three posts regarding how we came to the decision to go the route of public schooling after eight years of homeschooling.  When we first began entertaining the thought of public school, I had many, many fears swarming around inside of my head.  Did I happen to mention many?  As fears often do, they had grown to monstrous proportions.  God reminds me daily, as sometimes these fears still come to the forefront of my mind, that He did not give me a Spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7).  He is not the author of fear--the enemy is.  God gives us discernment, but not fear.  Too often, Christians like to call something discernment, rather than calling it what it really is--fear.  I know, because I've done it.  However, there is a fine line between discernment and fear--what one person might choose to do or not do based on discernment, may be the exact same choice someone else makes out of fear.  As we are all living in different places in different circumstances and have our own unique callings, we must take our decisions to the Lord in prayer.  We must line up our decisions with what God's Word says to be true.  Prayer is especially important in the gray areas where God's Word doesn't speak specifically (such as school).  We would be wise to be still and listen for His guidance in such matters.

I am going to list my public school fears by bullet points and discuss them one by one.

• If my children go to public school, we will never have time together as a family.

This bullet point, hands down, was the reason I held onto homeschooling probably even a little longer than I was supposed to.  I did not want to be a family that was never home together.  I did not want to become a disconnected family, running in our own independent directions.  I wanted our family to be cohesive and together the majority of the time.  My biggest fear was that if I put my children into school, our family would lose its cohesiveness.  I felt very strongly about this.

I have been pleasantly surprised that going to public school hasn't caused this to happen the least bit.  I'm serious.  If anything--and I know it will sound strange to some of you--I feel like it has become more cohesive.  For one, our children all do the same sport and they do it together.  This is such a blessing, because it helps with the crazy cycle of running a hundred different directions.  They all practice together right after school until 5:00 PM.  So we are able to eat dinner together every night as a family.  I find our dinners to be lively and talkative--each wants to tell the rest about their day.  It's very hard to get any words in edgewise.  

When I homeschooled, I was so mentally and physically exhausted by the time dinner rolled around that it took every bit of everything in me to engage.
  

When I homeschooled, I felt like that after awhile what I said to them became like Charlie Brown's teacher in their ears.  I'm pretty sure they began tuning me out after a while.  They got tired of hearing from me and me alone 24/7.  I don't blame them.  My mouth got tired.  Now, I find that they can't wait to tell me about things, especially struggles and especially in the night hours.  They want to talk to me and come to me.  And I'm not too tired to talk to them at night.  I'm refreshed.  I'm ready to go at night, rather than ready to collapse.

When I homeschooled, I felt like it was very, very difficult to take off the 'teacher's hat' and lay it down.  I felt like every second had to be a teachable moment; thus, I had a hard time just spending time together and enjoying one another.  Since I am not solely baring their education on my shoulders like I used to, I am finding myself able to relax and just enjoy.   

• If my children go to public school, their morals will go to hell in a hand basket

I really did think this.  Honestly, they keep them so incredibly busy at school, I do not worry about this one like I used to.  And even if they are exposed to some things that they otherwise wouldn't be, is that such a bad thing?  It creates a situation for us to talk through, think through and pray through.  It creates an environment that allows them to possibly choose to do the wrong thing.  Rather than having a cow that they might fail, shouldn't I view such circumstances as blessings, for isn't it through our failures and mistakes that we often grow the most? 

I am honestly WAY more concerned with the influence of the media in our culture than I am with what they might see or learn at public school.  If you ask me, the images and filth that is delivered into homes via television, books, the internet, video games, and even facebook and instagram are main culprits causing many issues in our young people these days.  Couple this with the breakdown of the family, runaway excess and the entitlement factor...yes, there's no wonder that  respect is going out the door by the time our children hit middle school.  


Am I keeping an eagle's eye on the books my children are checking out of the school library?  Definitely.  However, so far at the grade school level I haven't seen one yet that was even close to brow raising.  Middle school is one I've monitored quite closely--actually made Sophie take one back that she had checked out the other day.  Yet, it gave us reason to discuss why that probably wasn't a good choice, what constitutes a good choice, etc.

• If my children go to public school, they will be brainwashed to believe things contrary to their faith

I, again, go back to the influence that media is having on our culture...that is where I think we need to be doing some careful monitoring--homeschoolers and public schoolers alike.  If you are reading this and thinking, 'well, we just watch ESPN so we are good.'  Ummm, have you checked out the commercials lately?
I am not saying throw out your television (and we have a television, in case you are wondering, and we 9 times out of 10 have it tuned into ESPN)--everyone has different convictions regarding such--but I am saying we need to be consciously aware of the images getting monogrammed on our children's minds.    
       

• If my children go to public school, their education will not be up to par

Well, here is what I found to be true when I homeschooled.  There is only one of me and I cannot do 1,000 things to the glory of God.  I just can't.  There is a limit to what I can do.  Period.  The more children I homeschooled, the more I found that I couldn't teach them well at everything because there isn't enough of me.  And even if there was enough of me, I have subjects that I stink at (ummm, like Science).  Hence, my teaching is going to be weak in some areas.  Same is true with public school--sometimes your children are going to have teachers that are completely out to lunch , yet sometimes they are going to have teachers that are remarkably gifted at what they do.  So, the way I see it, it's six half, dozen or another...Me, weak as a teacher in some subjects and not enough of me to go around vs. sometimes getting stinky teachers in public school.  Maybe it just all shakes out about the same at the end?  

Maybe my homeschooling comrades are shouting at the computer screen right about now--'You can buy video/computer resources or send them to a two day a week school that takes you as a teacher out of the picture!'  Yes, you can buy video curriculums and such that will teach your children for you; however, such curriculums are extremely expensive and not in a ministry budget.  Yes, you can send them to 'two-day' a week schools.  Yet, again, to do so is quite expensive, especially for five children.

• If my children go to public school, I will not be their primary influencer anymore

Well, maybe that's a good thing?  I'm just kidding.  Eric and I ARE still their primary influencers and we are the ones that they spend the most time with right now--especially one on one time.  And I really really want my kids to have other adults speaking into their lives--goodness, there is such value in that.  I can't begin to tell you the influence that some of my coaches and teachers had on me.  It was monumental.  And if a teacher or someone comes into their lives that I am not that crazy about?  Well, first, I have every right to remove them from that situation, if it warrants it.  Usually, though, situations like that are an opportunity for growth...to pray and let God be their defender...to give our children the opportunity to represent Christ...to learn the fact that they may be persecuted for their faith.  

And, part of the process of growing up and leaving us is doing this little by little, step by step.

• If my children go to public school, they will get an attitude

Actually, my children are going to get an attitude if I have an attitude.  My children are going to get an attitude if I make them the center of my world and give them everything they ask for.  Attitudes usually stem from entitlement.  I also often wonder if attitudes stem from the shows targeting our young people...with that in mind, please refer back to all comments regarding media.  

• If I send my kids to public school, homeschooling friends might view me  giving up and quitting...they might even judge me.

Yes, no matter what we do, we are probably going to be sized up and judged by someone somewhere.  But that is not for me to concern myself with.  Eric and I are the ones that are responsible for our children and raising them how we feel God is leading us.  Yes, some may feel like we are giving up, even though we believe we are letting go.  People may judge what we do, but in the end, we live for an audience of one and that is really all that matters.

Besides, if they are judging me, then they are sinning and that's not my problem.  However, if I'm worried about them judging me, then I'm trying to seek the approval of man and I 'm judging their judging.  Oh, yeah, that makes me a sinner too.  Oh me, we all fall so short, don't we?

Bottom line, if you are trying to decide between schooling publicly, privately or at home, go to the Father and ask Him for His plan for your family.  It always trumps any perfect plan we think we got going on down here on Earth.  It trumps Ivy Leagues.  It trumps Latin-learning.  It trumps Classical, Charlotte Mason or straight up traditional.  His plan takes into effect so much more than we can see.  His plan takes into effect the hidden gems that only He can reveal, the hidden gems that often are discovered in the most unusual and far-fetched places.  

His plan is birthed out of faith, not fear.

Only His plan is the perfect plan.  Period.  And probably is way more concerned with this:

 When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.  Acts 4:13