It's Friday but Sunday's Coming!

I remember it vividly.  The season after my mom passed away.  I was so angry.  I was angry about the entire situation, the chaos that had surrounded her death, all the things that went wrong and the fact that she had died.  I felt empty.  Life seemed meaningless and futile.  I felt betrayed by God and in my anger I just wanted to shake my fist and walk away.  I was standing at a crossroads of belief.  I could either choose to keep traveling with God--whom I wanted to yell and scream at--or I could choose to say, 'Good Riddance!' and go it alone.

As I wrestled with this, I heard God say very loud and clearly to me: 'Faith is choosing to follow me even when you don't feel like it.  It's choosing me when everything isn't rosy and beautiful.  It's choosing me in the bleakest of days.'  

My questioning, my crisis of belief, brought me face to face with Hebrews 11:1 and 2 Corinthians 4:18:  

'Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.'  and 'So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.' {emphasis mine}

Faith.  Defined as 'strong or unshakable belief in something, especially without proof or evidence.'  The word I had tossed around so arrogantly and casually before.  Now I was having to decide if I could truly walk it out down to the core of my being.  

I did not end up walking away that day.  Instead, I ended up choosing Him, even though I didn't feel like it.  I chose Him because I knew in the deepest place of my soul that not choosing him would have been even more despairing.

I read something this morning that sums it up well:

'Desperation is better than despair.  Remember, our faith did not create our desperate days.  Faith's work is to sustain us through those days and to solve them.  Yet the only alternative to desperate faith is despair.  Faith holds on and prevails.'

I let my faith hold on that day and in the months to come, it prevailed.  God showed up in the smallest and most mundane ways--in ways that a passerby would have missed.  In ways that only spoke to me.  Sustenance for my soul, it was.  Just enough to keep me going and trudging on when I didn't feel like it.  Day in and day out, holding onto that faith applied salve to my wounds.  Little by little, it solved the seconds and the hours. 

Today.  Today we celebrate what we refer to as Good Friday.  The day that Jesus was nailed to the cross and died a horrific death.  Had Jesus' disciples been told on that grey, dismal afternoon that one day this ugly, chaotic day would be referred to as Good Friday, I'm quite sure that they would have found that absurd.  The day their Teacher, their Rabbi, their best friend whom they loved dearly, had died a brutal death?  Are you kidding?  What 'good' could be found in that?

You see, they too, were in a place that many of us find ourselves-- in circumstances that feel anything but good.  Circumstances that, in and of themselves, just downright stink.  Situations where we can't see a sliver of silver lining.  Just like us, they couldn't see past the moment.  Past the darkness.  Past the death.  Past the tomb.

We're told that hindsight's 20/20 and it's ever so true.  Had the disciples known on that bleak afternoon that Sunday was coming, maybe Friday being called Good would have made more sense.  While Jesus had tried to prepare them about all that was about to take place, they didn't have the slightest understanding or know-how to actually comprehend it.  That is, until after. 

After--when the tomb was empty.  After--when Jesus rose from the dead and appeared right in front of their eyes.  After--when they finally had eyes to see and ears to hear.  

Sunday came and with it came victory!  Grace cancelled out effort and work-based religion.  Life overcame death and despair turned to hope.    

Just like the disciples, we may find ourselves stuck in the darkness of Friday and not able to see the glorious light of Sunday.  In our Friday moments, we have to consciously choose to believe that Sunday is coming.  The dawn of a new day.   

I suppose this is what I did so many years ago after my mom's passing. I chose to take hold of faith even when I didn't necessarily feel like it.  To hold God's hand rather than go it alone.  To say "It's Friday, but Sunday's coming!'

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

When obstacles and trials seem like prison walls to be,
I do the little I can do and leave the rest to Thee,
And when there seems no chance, no change, 

From grief can set me free,
Hope finds its strength in helplessness, 

And calmly waits for Thee.'