Ladies and gentlemen, meet my oldest child.
Self-motivated? You got it. Driven? To a fault. Goal-Oriented? Yep. Large and In Charge? Just a little.
While we like to poke fun with him, Joshua was made in God's image with these exact characteristics. Eric and I know God made Joshua this way for a reason and that He wants to use these traits for His glory. Yet sometimes driven personalities can become so focused and driven that they bull-doze right through God's plan. Sometimes they can make their plan more important than God's plan.
And therein lies the struggle. Whether we are Type-A's or not, we can all relate, can we not?
Anyone who knows Joshua knows he is a runner. And if you don't know him, about 5.2 seconds upon meeting him, you're gonna know he runs. He lives it. He breathes it. He loves it.
It's truly a strength and a weakness all rolled up in one.
It's a strength because God gave him the ability to run for a reason and He wants him to use it for Him.
It's a weakness because he would tell you his struggle lies in making this gift more important than the Giver.
And truly that's been the struggle. He has spent the past couple of years in a battle--the battle of making running too important. Anything we make too important in our life--even if it's a great thing--takes over the spot that God is supposed to have in our life. The Bible calls it idolatry.
And, oh, how I can relate to my son's struggle! I do the same thing--not with running (unfortunately, haha) but other things in my life. I wonder if this IS the greatest struggle us western Christians face, having been blessed and given SO MUCH at our fingertips? The struggle of making the stuff and the comfortable life more important than the relationship with the One who created us?
But back to the story. We watched and coached from the sidelines all last year as he wrestled between flesh and Spirit. Striving, exerting, fighting… We watched him make mistakes, learning hard lessons from overtraining and over-doing.
This year, he finally decided to listen to his parents :) and try a different approach. To back off, to not over-analyze, over-think, or over-do. However, as the cross country season got under way, he was more than a little disappointed when times came in not where he wanted them. Meet after meet, his performance was not where it had been the year before. The temptation was to train more and push more. To try harder.
Strangely, in most circumstances, this is exactly what you want your athletes to do--train more, push more, try harder. Yet, we knew Joshua's problem wasn't a lack of work ethic. His problem was in letting go.
Eric and I are way more concerned about our children's hearts than we are about their sport's performance. I daily pray for our children to love THE LORD, not anything else, with ALL their hearts, minds, soul and strength. As I mentioned before, each one of us--we have the continually struggle, the constant battle, of other things in our lives usurping God. However, at the same time, God uses all the activities we are involved in to shape our hearts, does He not? He want us to talk to Him about ALL things. Even concerns about races and times. As a mom, I often try to figure out what God is trying to teach my children. As I watched his performance suffer, I pondered and prayed about what was happening. Lord, what are you doing? Is this just a momentary setback? Or are you doing something bigger here--is this your way of moving him away from running and pointing his life in a completely different direction? Is running just too distracting in his pursuit of you?
God seemed to be silent in answer to all of my questions, except for a faint, quiet, 'Wait. No worries. I've got this.'
The worry part. Oh, I understood that part clearly. You see, just as Joshua can be consumed with his worries with his running, I can be consumed with my worries regarding our children. Oh, how I can fret and worry with the best of them. Worry and fear can have me crawled up in a corner, sucking my thumb in no time. God and I--well, let's just say we have an ongoing conversation about my issue on a very regular basis! Let's just say He's still hammering it out.
Isn't it amazing and so God-like that the Multi-tasker can work, mold and chisel two different people on the opposite side of the same problem?
The wait part. The waiting room I am also all too familiar with. The waiting room, God's classroom for teaching faith and trust. I knew from experience that I better sit back and get comfortable because the bell wasn't going to ring anytime soon.
'Wait. No worries. I've got this.'
In the wait, we kept encouraging him in the one thing we knew was God's best for Joshua. Let go. Let go of the temptation to let this sport consume. Let go of his worries, his doubts, and his inadequacies. Yes, he needed to train and do what his coach said. But then he needed to just let go and be.
Amidst those hard days of defeat and frustration. Those days that seemed like setbacks...
Bigger life lessons were at stake, the kind that teach us that our abilities don't define us, but God defines our abilities. He makes the calls and He determines outcomes. We don't and we can't.
And we must trust and rest in that.
And little by little, as the season rolled along, the white-knuckle grip began to not cling so tightly. This one-track, focused mind looked up and began noticing the scenery around him.
As he let go he began enjoying those God has placed around him.
He stopped that bulldozer and became more reckless and carefree.
Bigger life lessons were at stake, the kind that teach us that our abilities don't define us, but God defines our abilities. He makes the calls and He determines outcomes. We don't and we can't.
And we must trust and rest in that.
And little by little, as the season rolled along, the white-knuckle grip began to not cling so tightly. This one-track, focused mind looked up and began noticing the scenery around him.
As he let go he began enjoying those God has placed around him.
He stopped that bulldozer and became more reckless and carefree.
Embracing the many different moments outside of running.
The night before Regionals I actually had to tell Joshua he better go to bed and get some sleep (where's the boy who's in bed by 8:30 the night before a race?).
However, the pre-Regional haircut was still a serious matter. Some habits die hard :).
As the Regional race got off, I noticed something different about Josh that day. He seemed more confident and sure than I had seen him all year. As if a weight had been lifted.
He ran well the entire race, placing eighth individually, resulting in a qualification for state. He was so pumped. We all were! (Not only were we excited about Josh, Sophie and her team also qualified for state! But that is deserving of a post all its own)
The next week was full of anticipation, as well as exciting memorable things such as a good luck yard sign:
and a school-wide pep rally for the volleyball and cross country state qualifiers:
Friday was here before we knew it and away we drove once more down that long stretch of Western Kentucky Parkway to the eastern side of the state where all big sporting events are held.
That evening, once again, I had to make Joshua go to bed at a reasonable hour the night before the meet.
That evening, once again, I had to make Joshua go to bed at a reasonable hour the night before the meet.
As the hours ticked by before his race on Saturday, Josh was about as relaxed as I've ever seen him, joking and chumming about. We saw and hung out with his old Louisville coach.
Then, finally, the event that he had had his eye on all season was upon us. He warmed up at the start line as hundreds of spectators lined the course in anticipation, there to watch the boys 3A cross country race, the biggest and most competitive race of the day.
All of the West Kentucky boys of Region 1 who had qualified individually were in the first lane. As they bowed and prayed together, we were praying too:
The last time he had toed this line hadn't ended very well. His buddy Zach knew this better than anyone and having him there for mental support meant the world to all of us.
Joshua was ranked going into this race in the mid-60's. I think because he wasn't ranked in the top ten or twenty, I was less nervous than I've ever been before he runs. I set back and relaxed, thinking in my head that he would probably finish around 60th or so--a good and respectable finish. And that would be that.
Wow, was I ever wrong! And surprised. So pleasantly surprised! Isn't it the best feeling in the world to be pleasantly surprised??!
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| He is on the very right hand end |
They took off and a few minutes into the race we were able to see them. Joshua was pretty easy to spot and I kept having to do a double take, thinking is that really him???
He was in the front of the race (like top 35 or 40) the entire race and kept steadily passing people. He looked so strong, I probably said a thousand times, 'Wow, I can't believe it! He's doing so good! Wow!'
Loose and carefree, relaxed and letting go...
He looked light on his feet and burden-less
He finished 36th with a time of 17:07 and was the first freshman to cross the line!
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A pat on his back from his coach and his buddy Zach…the role models God has put in his life who he looks up to so very much.
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It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
A season of letting go and stepping off the bulldozer to smell the roses God has put along the path…and learning to enjoy every minute of it.
'Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say'
Small Town Poets
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