The Special Plate

When our children were younger, our preacher, Dave Stone, shared from the pulpit about a mealtime tradition that he and his wife did with their family.  As young parents eager to establish meaningful rituals in our own family, we began practicing this mealtime tradition most nights as we gathered for dinner.

It was called the Special Plate.  

Here's how it worked:

Whoever was in charge of setting the dinner table that evening got to select one member of the family to eat off the Special Plate.  The Plate would be set at the designated person's spot.  As we ate dinner, we would each take turns telling something we liked about that person or something in particular we saw him do recently that we were proud of.  Sometimes it was something as general as, 'I like how you always play with me,' to something specific like, 'I was proud of how you went out of your way to help our neighbor bring in her groceries today.'

The plate we used was nothing special in appearance.  It was the result of a project Eric made at church when he was six years old.  It was a white hard plastic plate that he had drawn and written on in his childish scrawl.  Not only was it nothing fancy, it really wasn't especially artistic; Eric would be the first to tell you that he did not inherit one iota of his mother's drawing ability.  Not one.  Yet this plate was treated in our home as sacred as the Mona Lisa.  When one was given this plate to eat on, you would have thought he was eating on premier china.

I never tired of watching the person walk into the kitchen and see the Special Plate at his spot.  His demeanor would literally become joyful right in front of our eyes.  

Neither did I tire of the actual tradition itself.  As each one of us would take turns telling the chosen one what we liked about him, his stature would change.  He'd become a little taller and a little more dignified, the words inflating him as air inflates a tire.  You could almost literally see these words breathe life into the soul, witnessing the power of encouragement right before our very eyes.  Proverbs 16:24 reminds us that, 'Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.'   Encouragement infuses courage, strength and well-being into our inmost places in a way that nothing else can.

Not only did it build up each member of our family, we often would give the Special Plate to a guest who came to eat with us.  This was a fun way to encourage, honor and build up those outside of our family.  Our children never tired of presenting our dinner guests with The Plate.

At some point we brought another plate into the tradition.  I'm not really sure why we brought a second plate into the line up, except for the fact that we are Cardinal-loving fools and wanted to give this plate a worthy place:

From then on, the Place of Honor got to pick between two plates:  a Cardinal head or 1975 plastic.

Personally, though, the revered white plastic was my favorite.  Just the fact that my husband made it when he was six years old at church--well, it has a history behind it that our Cardinal Bird can't touch.  The 1975 Eric plate often ended up being the subject of many of our dinner conversations.  Everything from--'Dad, it's a good thing you're not an artist' :), to 'where did you go to church when you were growing up and what was it like?'  My questions about the plate went even deeper.  I wondered if anyone else from that class still had theirs?  I wondered if their teacher remembered them making them and what she would do if she knew how we used that plate now?  Better yet, had his teacher held and prayed over those plates, asking God to use them in each of those children's lives?  Wouldn't she be blessed to know that certainly that prayer was being answered in our home, even a generation later.  

When we began the whole long process of moving across the state and starting over, many things fell to the way-side.  Unfortunately, one of those things was our Special Plate.  In our hustled and bustled and reshuffled lives, our Special Plate got lost in the frantic and became a thing of the past.

Finally, over the past month, our life has fallen into a steady rhythm.   The whirlwind of the last eighteen months has slowly stopped spinning out of control and the pieces of our life have begun their steady descent, gently falling piece by piece in place.  And with the calmness and the quiet has come the question, 'What about the Special Plate?' 

So, a few nights ago we re-instituted the Special Plate.  Our daughter Sophie received the honors of being the Chosen One.

As we took our turns with our life-speaking words, I watched Sophie's eyes become a little more sparkly and her spirit soften, as words pumped nourishment into a starved soul.  I realized how much our family had missed this simple yet powerful tradition--it was like getting re-acquainted with an old friend.  So sweet was the moment, I wanted to freeze-frame the memory, to wrap my arms around it and never let go.

The rest of the evening I felt we had a closer connection with Sophie, that some walls had come down, walls that I hadn't even really noticed that were there.  She seemed more relaxed and open to talking about all kinds of things.  There was a little more trust. Uplifting words had provided a safe haven. 

So powerful was the change, it made me wonder--have we been encouraging our children enough?  The conclusion I came to was this:  while I believe we try to be encouraging in the normal course of our day, so much of our time as parents is spent on correcting wrong behavior.  Could it be that our attempts to praise the good things was getting mulled over and forgotten in the discipline?

And this is when I realized why the Special Plate is so powerful.  It intentionally sets aside a time in our day when we only build up and affirm.  It is remembered and cherished by our children because the whole tradition is built around the positive.   Encouragement doesn't get lost in correction.

Often, we don't appreciate something until we've lost it.  This is true for me and our Special Plate tradition.  Its 'cherished-status' has grown one-hundred fold for me this week.  If you don't do this easy meal-time tradition, or if you used to but it has fallen to the wayside, I urge you to start it.  I strongly believe that the pay-off of a little dinner intentionality will be a legacy that will bear fruit for generations to come.  Never under-rate the power of encouragement!

'Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.' 

                                 1 Thessalonians 5:11

ENCOUR'AGEMENT, n. The act of giving courage, or confidence of success; incitement to action or to practice; incentive. We ought never to neglect the encouragement of youth in generous deeds. The praise of good men serves as an encouragement of virtue and heroism.

1. That which serves to incite, support, promote or advance, as favor, countenance, rewards, profit.

***definition taken from 1828 Webster Dictionary***

'No shoes, no shirt, no service' 

Not a requirement in Western KY