Twists and Turns

The whole week prior to the Meet of Champions, runners in our home were thinking about it, physically and mentally preparing for it.  But one thought about it more than the others, that one being Joshua.  Because he is in eighth grade, this would be his last Meet of Champions.  Next year he would move on to high school, so this was it.  

On the way to Louisville on Friday (the day before the meet), at one point in the car, Joshua said, 'Mom, you gotta read this prayer.'  His daily Bible reading had ended with a devotional and prayer focused around Romans 8:28-29:  

'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.'

'Father, forgive me that so often my goals are diametrically opposed to Yours.  help me bring my goals in line with Your goals.  I shall need Your help to adjust.  Whatever happens, keep me ever moving toward becoming more and more like Jesus.  Amen.'

When I got done reading it, he said, 'Isn't that pretty cool to read the day before state?'  I said it was...but I didn't really understand why this had stood out so significantly to him...  

The next morning came quickly and I tried to remain calm.  We had four of our own children running, one nephew, and a couple dozen of  our friends' children.  I tried to stay present in the moment--yet at the same time-- it was so overwhelming I found it hard to stay present in the moment.  Can you relate?

In a blink of an eye, Joshua's race was upon us.  I sighed.  It felt so--big.  I tried to gain perspective by saying over and over in my head, 'This is just a cross country meet.  This is just a cross country meet.'  Guess what?  It didn't work.  I wanted to run and hide my head in a hole.  My mind went to the Olympic gymnast parents sitting in the audience watching their daughters.  I understood their pain.  And this was not even the Olympics!

Except it kind of was--in the mind of an eighth grader.

They lined up at the start line:

Our boy got a great start:



As they came up the hill from the front of the course, he and his two buddies, Michael and Nathan, were the front runners, far ahead, leading a pack of about 500 boys.

This picture was taken as they ran towards the back of the course and out of sight.  An area of the race where you wait for them to re-emerge into view.  Unfortunately, this would be the last picture ever taken of our boy at the Meet of Champions.  

Because when they emerged, there were only two runners in the lead pack.  Michael and Nathan, running neck and neck...Joshua--no where to be found.

The second pack of runners began to emerge...again, no Josh.

Right away I knew that he was not going to be coming.

But I didn't know why.

And those next several minutes of waiting were the hardest.  My mama worry went out the roof.  I began thinking the worst of all worst.  

Finally, after ten or so minutes--that felt like ten hours--he emerged from that tree lined course.  But not how we would have hoped.

He was riding in the medical cart, his head in his hands.  His foot had hit a hole on the course, twisting.  He had went down in pain, unable to get back up.  

As he went down, down went his dream of winning....down went his dream of redeeming the prior year....down went his dream of finally beating and owning this insane horse park course.

The pain and disappointment was written all over his face.  The face you think of when you hear, 'the agony of defeat.'

Eric went up to the cart and held him and told him he was sorry.  Hugging him, I said all of those things we say at moments like this:  'It's going to be okay.  It's just a race.  That's all it is.'

And while all those words are indeed true, they tend to come up empty in the moment.

We followed the cart to the medical tent and it felt strangely like a replay from the year before. 

And because I tend to be awkward in uncomfortable, difficult moments, I tried to say something funny and snapped a picture:

I know.  It's still misplaced and awkward.  What was I thinking?  At least the driver found it amusing.

Anyway--back to the story.

The story--the story of the rest of this day was submerged in the beauty and character of Christ.

Two of the first people to arrive at the medical tent were Michael and Nathan Sheets, whom had placed first and second, respectively.  Let me just tell you that they had run unbelievable, tremendous races and deserved those medals to the core!  An amazing end to amazing seasons!  We are so proud of them both.  And let's not forget Logan Otter.  He walked up a few minutes later, also checking on Josh.  He had placed third and had earned that medal through and through.  We were so proud of these young men.  Especially, though, for their concern...right during the time they should have been glorying in their moment they were checking on their injured friend.  

Priceless.

And it didn't end there.

All day long (because we were there for the long haul and couldn't leave until the last race was over), every time I walked up to our tent, I saw one of these Sheet boys hanging with Josh:

Here it is, the biggest day of their lives, the day they could be living it up, walking around the course, relishing in victory--and look where they are.  Sitting under a tent away from the action, keeping their injured friend company.  It made me think of two bible verses:  

• 1 Cor. 9:24-27:  'Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

• 1 Tim. 4:8:  For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

While Michael and Nathan had rightly earned medals that day for running, they had also earned medals of the imperishable quality, often unnoticed here in this life, but never overlooked by our Heavenly Father.  Winning with humility and honor through and through, they had.

Yet, that wasn't all.

We watched our young man that day lose with humility and honor, displaying a quiet strength and dignity that I knew could have only been put there by the Lord.  We couldn't have been any prouder of Joshua in these moments.  

And then I remembered the prayer that had touched Joshua so, prayed hours before his race:

 'Father, forgive me that so often my goals are diametrically opposed to Yours.  Help me bring my goals in line with Your goals.  I shall need Your help to adjust.  Whatever happens, keep me ever moving toward becoming more and more like Jesus.  Amen.' 

Just hours later, that prayer had been answered one hundred fold.  Oh, how He had been Joshua's helper, helping him adjust to adverse circumstances.  Oh, how He had moved him a little closer to becoming more like Jesus, showing him that it's not always about winning on this side of heaven.

All of them, winners that day in Jesus' book...the only book that truly matters.

'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.'  Romans 8:28-29

***Update***

 We came back to Paducah and had Joshua's foot x-rayed, learning he has a severe bruise on the fifth metatarsal bone in his foot.  He hopes after resting, icing and Aleving for several days that he might get to join his team at the high school state November 10.  I love this verse he tweeted out yesterday (yes, he just set up a twitter account in all his newly found down time!):  

Romans 12:12: 'Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.'

R 12:12 in 2012!

I'm pulling for you...

Last year was my oldest son's coming out year in cross country.  It was the year that he began performing at another level.  He worked his hiney off all season long.  You can imagine when the state track meet came around that he was intensely focused.  Intensely ready.  Intensely wanting to prove himself.  

And you can imagine that this mama's heart was intensely nervous, intensely hopeful and every other crazy emotion a mama's heart goes through when they are watching their children perform....knowing that they are wanting it so badly, that you want them so badly to be victorious.  

Based on his performances throughout the year, we knew it was not a lofty goal to finish in the top five.

The state track meet is crazy big.  At least four hundred kids line up on the start line.  The top fifty receive medals.  The top ten are recognized on the podium.

So the gun went off and we waited on the sidelines, hopeful.

As the boys came up on the first mile mark, we noticed that Joshua did not have his usual race face on.  My mama radar went up.  Something was wrong.  

I prayed and waited.

As they came back around from the back of the course, Joshua had noticeably dropped back.  He looked white.  I wondered if he would even be able to finish the race?

Joshua ended up getting 47th I believe.  He stumbled through the shute (later he would tell us he almost blacked out), grasping his medal, he could barely walk. 

We ran up to him immediately, knowing something was terribly wrong.  We took him to the medical tent, finding out that he had a temperature.  We figured out that a cold that he'd taken a few days earlier had turned into something more.

We found out later from him that he had known that morning that something was wrong.  He could tell he wasn't feeling right.  

I was in awe that day of a few things.  One, was his determination to run anyway.  

But, the other things that I was so amazed over had to do with two of his running buddies--Michael and Nathan--who ran too.  They too had been contenders to finish in the top  (Michael did in fact end up getting 5th, and Nathan in the top 10).  

But their finishes are not what impressed me as much as their character.

When Nathan came upon Joshua in the race, he ran alongside him for awhile, offering up encouraging words to him.  He realized something was wrong and he cared more about speaking into Joshua's life than running on by.

A few days after the meet, Joshua received a letter from Michael in the mail.  It was full of encouragement.  His mama did not ask him to write it.  He did it on his own.

Tomorrow.  Tomorrow is once again the state cross country meet.  Once again, Joshua will face off against Michael and Nathan.  These three boys went to Kindergarten together.  They've got quite a history of friendship intertwined with running.  Based on times and finishes from the year, these three (along with a few other boys across the state--one of them is in the pic below) should be the top contenders.

What will tomorrow's outcome be?  Running is such a sport of unknowns.  It's supposed to be cold, windy and rainy, adding some craziness to an already insane sport.  One thing's for sure, this mama's heart is gonna need a pacemaker!    

I am praying that these boys will: glorify God, will run their heart's out and will be satisfied that they showed up and gave it their all. 

Don't even get me started on our other kids and their friends that are running tomorrow.  Wes will be running against Ethan, Riggs, Stevie and Eli...to name a few.  Sophie will be running against Catherine (who's got the best time in the state!), Carmen, Kaylyn, Ashlee and Avery.  Jeremiah will run against Peter.  And Julia will be running in the 5th/6th grade race.... And let's not forget Theo and Piper and the rest of the Y team in the open race!  It's gonna be a full day of cheering on friends!  

Oh, I'm sure I might have left someone out--didn't mean to, there's just so many great kids that we know that will be out there giving it their all tomorrow!

Runners--

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you.  May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you!  

Numbers 6:24 

Struggling, but getting stronger!

For many years, my favorite preacher to listen to on the radio has been Chip Ingram (http://livingontheedge.org/).  While I still love listening to him, a very good friend of mine has recently gotten me hooked to listening to Steven Furtick at Elevation Church (http://www.elevationchurch.org/).  

Every Monday I spend the day cooking our meals for the week so that I don't have to worry about cooking every day.  While I'm cooking, I listen to his sermons.  After every sermon, I'm so pumped up, I feel like I just attended a Beth Moore conference!  He is funny, he is creative, but mostly--he preaches God's Word with passion and intensity.  So there you go--that's my sales pitch to go and listen to his sermons on-line...you won't regret it!

Lastly, let me leave you with something he said that I just love.  Often, when you ask someone at church how they're doing, you often get one of two extreme answers.  Someone can be on the verge of divorce or bankruptcy, yet they will give this typical, masked response: 'Just fine!' or 'Great!'  The other extreme is--in an effort to be real and truthful--they'll say, 'I'm really struggling.' 

While admitting you're struggling is definitely better than pretending nothing is wrong, what about saying:  'I'm struggling, but I'm getting stronger.'  

I love that.  Love, love, love the hope and faith of that answer!  For if we are truly going to Christ daily with our difficulties, struggles and hurts, isn't it true--isn't it a promise, even--that Christ meets us in the struggle and strengthens us as we walk through it?

So I leave you with the challenge today, that whatever present overwhelming situation you are in, that you would walk forward in full- fledge belief that you don't have to sit in it.  YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SIT IN THE STRUGGLE.  You can be struggling, but Christ can be simultaneously making you stronger--bringing you step by step out of it!  

Amen and Amen!

Psalm 119:45: 'I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.'

John 8:36 - "If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed."

John 16:33 - "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD."

A Paducah Update!

This past Friday we got all of our children's report cards for the first nine weeks of school.  Since we moved here in conjunction with school starting, it reminded me that it was probably time to give a little 'report' on life here in Paducah.

First off, I've been educated on many a thing in this here part of the state.  Things such as:

• In western KY, Barbeque is considered one of the four food groups.
• While vans may be the common vehicle in Louisville carpool lines, Paducah is known for their jacked up pick-ups, often hauling four-wheelers and the like.  
• I believe camouflage may very well be the new black.
• Leash laws are unpopular here.  Instead, dogs roam about the neighborhood freely.  Murray has just as many friends come and visit him as our kids do.  There's Buddy, Lilly and Bluebell, to name a few.
• Louisville Cardinal fans are few and far between.  One just assumes that if you live here, you go for the blue team.  Trying not to disclose our red blood too soon in our new friendships.  Gotta let'em down easy.
• You will not find any shoulders on the roads in western KY.  So please make the curve the first time.
• When someone tells you they live just right down the road, what they really mean is four cornfields and fifteen miles later.
• While Paducah is big enough to support their own news station, they do not have a free-standing Starbucks or Target.  I know.  I KNOW.  What a travesty.  There does seem to be an undue amount of interest in Sonic, though, as there is one on every other corner.  More salt was added to the wound last weekend when we were in Hopkinsville at a cross-country meet and I learned that Hop-ville has a free standing Starbucks.  Not only that, it sports a large outdoor patio.  Whhhhaaaatttt???  Last I checked, Hopville's ratio of jacked up trucks beat Paducah 2:1.  And jacked up trucks and free-standing green buildings just don't go together.  What is coming of the world?!

While all of the above points are funny (and accurate!)--well the last point is not funny at all--, I have to say that there are many a thing we have gained here that I'm immensely enjoying.  Yes, we miss our family and friends in Louisville terribly.  Yes, the past two weeks--for me--have been the most difficult yet, as the move is finally sinking in as permanent.  However--even so--I have to say, I am taking quite a liking to this charming, southern small town.  Some of my favorites so far:

• My children's elementary school couldn't be any better.  It really couldn't.  Love that place so much.
• We are surrounded by fellow St. Louis Cardinal fans! (And many fellow fans to share in my sadness this morning...)
• Our elementary school had their fall festival Friday night.  I was amazed at how many people came, whether they had kids at the school or not.  It was the Friday night thing to go to in town.  A true sense of community.  I love that.
• Our kids aren't just a number at their school.  They are looked out for.  Love that too.
• Love that most houses around here have large yards.
• Starting to really get to know the kids on the cross country team.  They are such a good group of kids.  And they all hang out together from 5th grade all the way up to the seniors in high school.  Watching them all interacting together at Sweet CiCi's the other night was good for the soul.
• Loving how--for whatever reason--we seem to have so much more time together as a family these days.

Yes, we are starting to settle in.  And yes, it is slowly starting to feel like home.  Yes, we are lonely-sad for so many of you we left.  Yet, we have an overriding peace that we are right where we are supposed to be.  

To close, I must leave you with this story:

The other day I was sitting in Wal-mart making my list before going in (yes, it is where I shop now.  No comments, please.) and an older gentleman--looked to be in his sixties--approached my window (Don't worry.  Such a thing is very common and safe in these parts.  People actually take time to talk to strangers like they've known them for years).  Anyway, I rolled my window down:

Old Man:  'That van ya got there.  It's fine.  Real fine.'

Me:  'Um.  Why, thank you.'

Fine?  Are you kidding me?  

Old Man:  'How many seats you have in there?'

Me:  'It's a twelve-seater, Sir.'

Old Man:  'Yeah, been trying to talk my wife into one of these.  Thought we could take out the back seats and put a mattress back there.'

Um, excuse me, sir, but are you any relation to Honey Boo Boo?

Old Man:  'Yes, I like your ride.  A lot.  She's fine.  Real fine'.

Red-neck RVing.  Yes, I've heard it all now.

This concludes my little 'report'.  The grade?

 It's fine.  Real fine.

Extremes

My youngest might be the smallest, but he makes up for it in volume.  He lives in the world of extremes.  He is either extremely precious (emphasis on the first syllable) or extremely ugly.  There is no in-between with our little guy.

It is not unusually for me to catch him in intense situations, such as:

Not surprising, either, that he is serious-competitive about a race across the lawn in dress pants:

Nor is it surprising that he loves to be in photographs, especially other peoples:

(Kind of reminds me of this little guy):

But back to my story....

Owen was quite the handful to deal with for his first three years of life.  We called him the O Factor...because he was an 'unknown' of the grandest sort.  Much like the nursery rhyme of the little girl with the little curl, he was either going to be very, very good or very horrid.  Unfortunately, very horrid tipped the scales much more often than not.  

However, as he has grown and matured to the ripe old age of five, Owen has balanced out the scales quite a bit.  I would go as far as to say that 'very horrid' comes around much less frequently than he used to.  Oh, he still rears his ugly head from time to time, but definitely less.  

I used to wonder how any fruit could ever come from my little extreme machine...my very anal, intense, ultra-sensitive and often very crabby child.  My non-Italian, oh so Italian child.  What to do?  What to do? 

Yet, God loves to refine and sharpen hard edges...loves to flip around and show the other side of the coin.  Turning beauty from coal, dark ashes is His sole propriety. 

Thus, lately I've noticed...

This passionate child that has the ability to get extremely angry--also, has the ability to be extremely broken.  

This child who can so intensely fall to his waywardness, can just as intensely recognize his depravity.

I've watched my five-year-old on his own accord walk up to me and broken-heartedly admit that he lied to his cousin when she asked him if she had white specks on her face (while said mother had to turn her head and try not to laugh at his seriousness over lying about white specks).  

I've watched this tender heart more than once ask his brother to forgive him with no beckoning or prodding from me.

And as I've stood back and witnessed these instances--these flashes of beauty--my mind takes me to Luke 2:19:

'But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.'

Yes, those brief, mothering moments when you get a glimpse of what can be...  moments to be treasured up and pondered, filed away and not forgotten.

Moments when your mothering instinct knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that something supernatural and life- giving just took place.  Moments that you hope and pray will someday be the norm much more often than 'very horrid'.

Oh, how I want an abundance of supernatural and life giving moments in every one of my children's lives!  How I want such moments to be the norm!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Praying that you will remind me daily that we are at war...that life is a spiritual struggle and that you have called us to pray!  Burden me daily to pour out my heart like water before you and lift my heart toward You for the life of our young children (Lam. 2:19).  

Thank you for making Owen so extreme.  Thank you for showing me that extreme is a blessing, for you hate nothing more than lukewarmness--such makes you want to spit (Rev. 3:16)!  Instead, you beckon us to the extreme of radical discipleship.  Bring about radical 100% devotion to You and You alone in Eric and I, in Owen, and all of our children.

Every day our children must make choices...in each of those choices I pray that you would multiply their humility exponentially and squash the pride that threatens to harden them.  Do this in Eric and I too, Lord.  Multiply our humility so that we can model it before them.  Squash our yucky pride into the ground.  

And lastly, do this for the glory of Jesus to all.  May this be the end result.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.

In Jesus' name now and forevermore,
Amen.

The most we can do as a parent...

I am convinced that the most important thing as a parent we can be doing for our children is praying for them.  When our children are babies, we have control over almost everything they do--from when and what they eat to when and how long they nap.  The older they get, the more independent they become and the less control we have.  While we are in a perpetual state of relinquishing control, thankfully, there is One who is always in control.  God sees all and knows all.  He alone will never leave our children nor forsake them.  As parents, the most powerful position we can ever be in is on our knees, praying to the One who is always watching and never leaving.

I read a story recently in 'Praying the Scriptures for Your Teenagers' that demonstrates this beautifully:

"When I was about twelve years old," John said, "my mother came down with a crippling form of arthritis.  Within a year, she was confined to her bed, and I grew up having to change her sheets and do almost everything for her.  She never went to any of my school plays or sports events, never helped me with my homework, and couldn't even make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to put in my lunch.

The only thing my mother could do was pray.  She prayed for me every day--and I knew it.  And when I got older and had the opportunity to make some very ungodly decisions, I found that I couldn't do it.  I couldn't get away form mother's prayers and from the memory of what she had done for me day after day, year after year--talking to God as she lay in her bed."

As we walk this parental road of letting go, I am comforted by the fact that I can intercede to my ever-watching, loving Father.

He, alone, is in control. 

He, alone, is trustworthy. 

Remembering today that the way up is down...that knee-bending mothers are powerful mothers...that God's ways seem strange and topsy-turvy from the world's perspective...that it's not in our doing, but His doing,..that His power is unleashed as we restfully cry out to Him.

'Arise, cry out in the night,
as the watches of the night begin;
pour out your heart like water
in the presence of the Lord.
Lift up your hands to him
for the lives of your children,
who faint from hunger
at every street corner.' 

Lamentations 2:19