I would be lying to you if I didn’t tell you that this summer has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. One minute I’m sad about leaving Louisville; the next minute I can’t wait to leave. One minute I’m sad about moving to Paducah; the next minute I’m chopping at the bit to get there. One minute I’m sad about leaving our home of the past eleven years; the next minute I can’t wait to start over in a new one. One minute I am giddy with excitement about going to the west side of the state and helping my husband start a ministry; the next minute I am scared and plagued with the ‘what if’s’ (what if we can’t make ends meet financially? What if support dwindles? What if our house doesn’t sale before school starts? What if???) And it’s back and forth and up and down and all around, until I begin to question my sanity.
Thankfully, God embraces emotional roller coasters. He gladly fastens His seat belt and rides alongside me, up and down the hills, around the curves; even upside down He’ll go, beckoning me to cry and spew it all out to Him. He never tires of my struggles. He is faithful to pull me out of the mud of ‘what-if’s’ and into the realm of His way of thinking. He reminds me to replace the ‘what-if’s’ with ‘whatever…’ (Whatever is true, whatever, is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Phil. 4:8)
He is always there, waiting. Waiting for me to ask Him to pull me out of the pit. Yet, sometimes I choose–yes, I choose–to sit in the mud for awhile.
A few weeks back, I found myself stuck in the mud. We were trying to get ready for a house showing. Once again, I had to call and borrow a vacuum cleaner from someone. You see, a few months ago our vacuum cleaner had broken and we hadn’t had the money to buy a new one. Thus, every time we needed to vacuum (which is often when your selling your house), we had to borrow one. I hated, absolutely hated, the feeling of calling and asking people. It just felt so–pitiful and needy. So that I wouldn’t bug the same people too often, I had a handful of people I would systematically rotate through.
It was hard enough to call and ask. Harder, though, was when I didn’t return it immediately and I’d get a phone call from the owner, asking for it back. That was the worst. I would get so frustrated with myself for forgetting. Believe me, this is a weakness of mine. I have always been absent-minded, but ever since five children entered my world…oh goodness, I forget. A LOT. Why, just this morning I had to drive ten minutes all the way back home because I forgot my purse.
So, on this particular day, I was struggling. I was wallowing in the mud. Big time. Not only had it been a week of scraping to make ends meet, Eric was gone to Paducah. I was tired of him being out of town, I was tired of having to creatively come up with ways to live frugally, I was tired of baking bread, I was just–TIRED. Dog-gone tired. I was struggling with being content. And I was struggling with finding joy in the small things.
Then my phone rang. It was the call–asking for the vacuum cleaner back.
UUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!! I’d had it with myself. Why couldn’t I remember to return things?!
It ended up being the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Needy and desperate, I cried, cried, cried out to God:‘I’m tired, I’m tired, I’m tired, I’m tired! I’m tired of all of this! I’m tired of always forgetting to return vacuum cleaners! I’m tired of this neediness! Please, please, please, bring us a vacuum cleaner! Would you just take care of this little thing? I am so sick and tired of having to borrow everyone else’s. I know you can do this. This is small potatoes to you. Please, just have someone bring one to our front door. Could you? Please??!!’
I don’t remember exactly what happened after this exchange; I wouldn’t be surprised if one of my children asked me why I was talking to myself again. Soon after, though, my phone rang. It was my friend Michelle. I missed it because I was returning the vacuum cleaner. Later that day, I called her back:
'It just hit me that I have an extra vacuum cleaner sitting in my basement and I wanted to see if I could bring it by your house tonight.’
My thoughts immediately went back to my specific prayer:
‘Could you please have someone bring one to our front door?’
Mind you, Michelle had no idea the emotional angst not having a vacuum cleaner had been causing me. She had no idea that my angst had reached an all-time high.
I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. Surprised, once again, by God’s grace and love in even little things like a vacuum cleaner. I do not think it was circumstantial that God brought the unused vacuum cleaner to Michelle’s mind right when he did. Sure, he could have reminded her of it months ago, but then I would have missed out on the gift of being needy and desperate. For it’s only when we are needy and desperate that we cry out to God. And it’s only when we cry out to God, that He will deliver us. And when He delivers us, whether it’s through His peace, His comfort or something tangible–like a vacuum cleaner–it is a gift. A gift of the supernatural kind. Lest we doubt, God’s Word reminds us:‘Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.’ Psalm 86:1
‘He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor.’ 1 Sam. 2:8
‘For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help.’ Psalm 72:12
It’s funny how much more you appreciate something when you’ve had to live awhile without it. Never have I been more appreciative or thankful for a vacuum cleaner. Every time I pull it out of our closet, I am reminded of what a gift it is. His gift.
Meet the ‘White Stallion’:
Isn’t she a beauty?
Look at that–-it even says ‘Power Wave’,
reminding me that God will always ride my emotional waves and infuse me with His Power to make it through the struggle…
reminding me that He wants to pull me out of the mud and mire…
…I just have to ask, believe and receive.
‘I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord.’
Psalm 40:1-3
Thankfully, God embraces emotional roller coasters. He gladly fastens His seat belt and rides alongside me, up and down the hills, around the curves; even upside down He’ll go, beckoning me to cry and spew it all out to Him. He never tires of my struggles. He is faithful to pull me out of the mud of ‘what-if’s’ and into the realm of His way of thinking. He reminds me to replace the ‘what-if’s’ with ‘whatever…’ (Whatever is true, whatever, is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Phil. 4:8)
He is always there, waiting. Waiting for me to ask Him to pull me out of the pit. Yet, sometimes I choose–yes, I choose–to sit in the mud for awhile.
A few weeks back, I found myself stuck in the mud. We were trying to get ready for a house showing. Once again, I had to call and borrow a vacuum cleaner from someone. You see, a few months ago our vacuum cleaner had broken and we hadn’t had the money to buy a new one. Thus, every time we needed to vacuum (which is often when your selling your house), we had to borrow one. I hated, absolutely hated, the feeling of calling and asking people. It just felt so–pitiful and needy. So that I wouldn’t bug the same people too often, I had a handful of people I would systematically rotate through.
It was hard enough to call and ask. Harder, though, was when I didn’t return it immediately and I’d get a phone call from the owner, asking for it back. That was the worst. I would get so frustrated with myself for forgetting. Believe me, this is a weakness of mine. I have always been absent-minded, but ever since five children entered my world…oh goodness, I forget. A LOT. Why, just this morning I had to drive ten minutes all the way back home because I forgot my purse.
So, on this particular day, I was struggling. I was wallowing in the mud. Big time. Not only had it been a week of scraping to make ends meet, Eric was gone to Paducah. I was tired of him being out of town, I was tired of having to creatively come up with ways to live frugally, I was tired of baking bread, I was just–TIRED. Dog-gone tired. I was struggling with being content. And I was struggling with finding joy in the small things.
Then my phone rang. It was the call–asking for the vacuum cleaner back.
UUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!! I’d had it with myself. Why couldn’t I remember to return things?!
It ended up being the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Needy and desperate, I cried, cried, cried out to God:‘I’m tired, I’m tired, I’m tired, I’m tired! I’m tired of all of this! I’m tired of always forgetting to return vacuum cleaners! I’m tired of this neediness! Please, please, please, bring us a vacuum cleaner! Would you just take care of this little thing? I am so sick and tired of having to borrow everyone else’s. I know you can do this. This is small potatoes to you. Please, just have someone bring one to our front door. Could you? Please??!!’
I don’t remember exactly what happened after this exchange; I wouldn’t be surprised if one of my children asked me why I was talking to myself again. Soon after, though, my phone rang. It was my friend Michelle. I missed it because I was returning the vacuum cleaner. Later that day, I called her back:
'It just hit me that I have an extra vacuum cleaner sitting in my basement and I wanted to see if I could bring it by your house tonight.’
My thoughts immediately went back to my specific prayer:
‘Could you please have someone bring one to our front door?’
Mind you, Michelle had no idea the emotional angst not having a vacuum cleaner had been causing me. She had no idea that my angst had reached an all-time high.
I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. Surprised, once again, by God’s grace and love in even little things like a vacuum cleaner. I do not think it was circumstantial that God brought the unused vacuum cleaner to Michelle’s mind right when he did. Sure, he could have reminded her of it months ago, but then I would have missed out on the gift of being needy and desperate. For it’s only when we are needy and desperate that we cry out to God. And it’s only when we cry out to God, that He will deliver us. And when He delivers us, whether it’s through His peace, His comfort or something tangible–like a vacuum cleaner–it is a gift. A gift of the supernatural kind. Lest we doubt, God’s Word reminds us:‘Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.’ Psalm 86:1
‘He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor.’ 1 Sam. 2:8
‘For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help.’ Psalm 72:12
It’s funny how much more you appreciate something when you’ve had to live awhile without it. Never have I been more appreciative or thankful for a vacuum cleaner. Every time I pull it out of our closet, I am reminded of what a gift it is. His gift.
Meet the ‘White Stallion’:
Isn’t she a beauty?
Look at that–-it even says ‘Power Wave’,
reminding me that God will always ride my emotional waves and infuse me with His Power to make it through the struggle…
reminding me that He wants to pull me out of the mud and mire…
…I just have to ask, believe and receive.
‘I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord.’
Psalm 40:1-3
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